November 28, 2017 November 28, 2017 / Paula Stone Williams / 9 Comments. She served as president of the Christian church planting organization Orchard Group from 1989 to 2009. And I know that it's selfish of me to ask this of you, but please stay here. After coming out as transgender in December 2012, Williams was swiftly fired from a position as an evangelical Christian leader. Because, you know, Im clearly a bigger threat to America than guns. Paula Stone Williams' book ""As a Woman: What I Learned About Power, Sex, and the Patriarchy After I Transitioned" Photo: Simon & Schuster / Atria Books "As a Woman" is a straightforward, chronological telling of how Williams went from being the son of an evangelical father, a Bible college student and a virginal husband at 22 to a trans activist and pastor preaching an entirely . Since initiating transition in 2009, I consider transition the amazing journey of a lifetime, rather than a singular ultimate destination that may some day be reached. The Rev. Yep, thats the problem. I got counseling about three months after I found out. I put the page number on the left side, and then a quote. ', Everything You Need to Know About Pride Month, Missing Trans Woman Found Fatally Beaten in Chicago Garbage Bin: 'There Is Not Enough Community Response'. I just finished Kelly Rimmers The Things We Cannot Say. As you grow older sometimes a path no longer feels like an option. I discovered that God didn't need to fix me. Self actualization is never easy. I am very concerned about the rights of transgender and non-binary individuals. I learned to swagger and manspread. This was a call that demanded attention, water breaking, contractions every minute. Ive been living as Paula for nine years. To this day, I still face crippling dysphoria, but I am forced to remain in the closet due to my transphobic family. I have had thoughts of cutting myself, but I want to be a trans adult that kids can look at and see that the only scars I have is from my top surgery. We live beyond the binary. December 31, 1972 was a rainy day on Long Islands south shore. My contract says I am not allowed to tell you how many copies have sold. The church exists to celebrate the moments of our lives, and to join in common cause to produce the miraculous. Therapists and close friends have all used the same word to describe our circumstances tragic. As a pastor, it is an honor to perform weddings, funerals, baby dedications, baptismal services, and be present for every other milestone of our communal lives. I know Paula's character, so I probably need to study up on what it means to be transgender,' " she recalls. Coming out as a lesbian in 1994 was hard enough as it was! Dr. Paula Stone Williams is a national public speaker specializing in Gender Equity, LGBTQ Inclusion, Executive Leadership and American Religion. Editor's Note: Paula Stone Williams is a pastor and internationally known speaker on gender equity, LGBTQ advocacy and religious tolerance. You will be required to repay anything paid on her behalf between the date of the divorce decree and the date of the cancellation., Cathy called the next morning and told the administrator of health services that we are, in fact, very much married, and the administrator said, I know youre not because its all over the Internet. Cathy was aghast, Since when did the Internet become the arbiter of what is and what is not true?, The administrator wouldnt listen to Cathy. Writing that part of the story was supremely difficult. Ive been waiting for something new from Sides for a couple of years. That is what I chose to do with my one fragile and precious life. After her transition, she has struggled to come to terms with her voice. I came to the conclusion that I had prayed for the wrong thingI prayed that God would fix me. I have corrected the error that nature had made, but at the same time, I have condemned myself to living alone. Leelah's unsupportive parents attended a church that taught them not to accept their daughter's gender. Being a transgender person is not a choice as many think. I must respect their grief. Reverend Paula Stone Williams (born 1951) is an American pastoral counselor. I don't know if I can stay a man. I simply know in my heart and mind Im a woman. The question I most often get is why would you join the military knowing the regulations on transgender service? Not anymore. Add to that the fact that someone took it upon themselves to inform the Bay Shore, Long Island school district that our marital status should be researched, and you realize there are a lot of people out there who want to make my life difficult. Transgender adolescents have a suicide completion rate 13 times higher than their peers. But so did other things. Do you know how many of those people have had conversations with me since I transitioned? The Orchard Group board, staff and extended church planting family wish Paul and Cathy (his wife) God's best as they step into the future," the announcement said. As Paula describes her church's guiding principle: "There's room for us all . We need both groups. Its been on my mind because I have the pleasure of coaching TEDxMileHigh speakers and I am always amazed at the breadth and depth of their talks. Are the churchs days numbered? I am comfortable in my own skin, as though I have finally come into my self. I know that once Millennials and Gen Z become the majority of the electorate things will change. Conservative pastor, Paul Williams (L) formerly of the Orchard Group, transitioned into a transgender woman named Paula (R)Williams began his work with Orchard Group in 1979 . Every now and again, I check out their latest news. We just had our first meeting with the speakers, and I cant wait to start working with them. But I make it work. Both are distortions of a complex reality. Browse the library of TED talks and speakers, 100+ collections of TED Talks, for curious minds, Go deeper into fascinating topics with original video series from TED, Watch, share and create lessons with TED-Ed, Talks from independently organized local events, Inspiration delivered straight to your inbox, Take part in our events: TED, TEDGlobal and more, Find and attend local, independently organized events, Learn from TED speakers who expand on their world-changing ideas, Recommend speakers, TED Prize recipients, Fellows and more, Rules and resources to help you plan a local TEDx event, Bring TED to the non-English speaking world, Join or support innovators from around the globe, TED Conferences, past, present, and future, Details about TED's world-changing initiatives, Updates from TED and highlights from our global community, 4,813,833 views | Paula Stone Williams TEDxMileHigh, Today Paula Stone Williams is a pastoral counselor and woman but for the first 60 years of her life, Williams identified as male. stays there, inside the dishes and in the glasses, so that his children have to go far out into the world. I was born in 1949 and growing up in the 50's and 60's there was no easy way to find out what was wrong with me. We only want what you want. Danny Lavery welcomes Paula Stone Williams, an internationally known speaker on gender equity, LGBTQ advocacy, and religious tolerance. It is difficult living 24/7 with another human. Dr. Paula Williams spent 13 years as the host of a national television show (viewed by millions) and served as the Chairman and CEO of The Orchard Group a non-profit organization that starts new churches in the US- for 34 years. I never fit in with anything towards the female stereotype. To be successful as a blind transgender woman, I have to be stronger. I was unable to distinguish a difference between me and my brother, despite our parents constantly referring to me as his sister. Even though it's been a tough process for my family I choose to stand on the side of love and acceptance for my father and so many others," Jonathan wrote on his Facebook page. I love that the church is the place that celebrates all of lifes comings and goings. Today I have bounced back, finished my first year of law school, and got that vagina I always wanted put right where it belongs. A trans woman on losing male privilege. Bathroom remain an anxiety-producing place for many, especially with the rash of ridiculous legislation prohibiting us from using the facilities that match our identities. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are telling the world that we are part of all societies and will settle for nothing less than respect. This is not the time to remain quiet. While our life is not as dark as a Bergman film, Im pretty sure no one but Jane Campion or Martin McDonagh would want to make it into a movie. I tried being more "girly" a couple times after puberty, each time more disastrous. You tell things as you remember them. I was told I'd get over it and regret it. We enjoy working together and share similar concerns about the priorities of our beautiful town. I am Rev. Welcome to this evolving collection. I wasn't born in the "wrong" body, but I still felt there was something off for years until I was nineteen. She works with the Center for Progressive Renewal, serves on. I mean, thatd guarantee the right wing viewers. Even those who have transitioned have higher than average suicidal ideation. You have built kingdoms, slain dragons, saved the world, but is time to go home, even if youve never been there before. Michael Knowles, right wing commentator of the Daily Wire, said at CPAC this past Saturday, There can be no middle way in dealing with transgenderism. I was ashamed of how I felt and stuffed down what I thought was a terrible secret, only to be met with open arms and discover affirmation, validation, and love. By comparison, they introduced only 20 in 2018. When people step up and people treat each other like human beings and not some sort of scandal, things can go right and there can be a happy ending. Is that too much to hope for? In looking back at my own life, I know that I wouldn't be here today if I wouldn't have first faced my biggest fears and second explored and listened to what I found behind the curtain. Im not sure why that is true, but this time I made five pages worth of notes. I am comfortable in my own skin, as though I have finally come into my self. One of my long-time friends who works for American Airlines made sure Cathy and I got out of town before a snowstorm so we could get to a long-awaited vacation in Hawaii. At its earliest, gender identity awareness exists by three or four years of age, and sexual identity awareness by nine or ten. This is not a rhetorical question. Williams has experienced American life as both a man and a woman. Empires come and go, but the church stands. We need apprentices, willing to take direction from the trans community, to help us battle the ignorance and prejudice permeating our nation. I am a little surprised by those who have unabashedly said, Oh, I dont read books. That last one always throws me. It was only when I woke up gasping for air with the noose still around my neck, that I realized I had nothing else to lose by transitioning. The kind of people I have in my life nowadays are astonished that such a thing could have happened. As a father of three, married to a wonderful woman and holding several prominent jobs within the Christian community, Dr. Paula Stone Williams made the life-changing decision to physically transition from male to female at the age of sixty. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your device and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. That 2017 talk was lightning in a bottle. I am emceeing the June 24 event, which is always fun. I mean, among other things, that would include destroying my own church. If you travel far enough, you find yourself, and I travelled a long and hard journey, to come back to what I already knew. Paula Stone Williams is a Pastoral Counselor and internationally known speaker on gender equity, LGBTQ advocacy, and religious tolerance. I would go crazy or be dead. Our children and their partners bring us great pleasure. Gender is only learned environmentally. (Ever hear of the Cane Ridge Revival?) They understand little about the bubble in which evangelical Christians live. I could shake my head and dismiss them as a dying breed. Some of the complaints about the ministry come from pastors who started churches with them. Why hadn't I gotten it yet? Hope youll give us another try and check out some other articles. It calls relentlessly toward the elusive land of authenticity that is always just over the horizon. I kept it a closely guarded secret for the next 28 years while I finished my time in the Air Force Reserve to retire. They grieve my passing. I had a pretty sterling reputation, but then I transitioned. But 84 percent of evangelicals believe gender is immutably determined at birth and over 60 percent believe we already give transgender people too many rights. The church is messy. Some days I am male, some days I am female, some days I am neither; some days I am both. Meanwhile on the inside I was tormented with turmoil, why wouldn't this just go away? Given the advice "follow your child's lead" my parent's let me come to terms with my gender. That same year, Paula was ordained and her life as a conservative preacher and evangelical-Christian family man was set in stone. While I thoroughly endorse children being able to explore their gender identity, when the day is over there will still be about .58 percent of people who are transgender. Well, at least some do. Now, more than ever, we need allies willing to speak up on our behalf. It was this weird wave of emotion. Pastor. Raised by a deeply devoted evangelical family, Paula remembers moving from state to state as her pastor father found work in different churches. Ryan's chosen "As A Woman" by Paula Stone Williams. Sometimes I discover they havent read it when Im talking about something that is in the book like throughout the entire book and they know nothing about what I am saying. I am a man and living as the man I am saved my life. At the age of 65, I knew I couldnt keep up the pretense much longer. But as she became a parent and prominent evangelical pastor, she feared that coming out would. "She said transgender," Jonathan said, referring to his father. But the storm of my transition has left a road full of boulders and branches. I am happier, more peaceful. Tell us what youre interested in and well send you talks tailored just for you. Growing up queer and learning I was transgender made me feel searing pain as well as transcendent highs. To be alongside them at what has the potential to be one of the most important times of their lives is a great honor. Most people believe that being trans is a sexual orientation, but it's not. As imperfect as the world is today, as hard as it is to be transgender and live an authentic life, it was much worse, not so long ago. I can avoid most of it. I think about the transgender people who now attend or have attended Envision Community Church (formerly Left Hand Church) in Longmont. I was depressed about my body and my social life, but had no idea that I wasn't a woman, because I didn't know I had any alternative. "Paul Williams gave vital leadership to Orchard Group for decades, including serving as President from 1989 until 2009 . On December 31, 2013, Paul retired quietly from Orchard Group. It was also a difficult secret to keep, Jonathan explained. That minority is made up of white, evangelical Christians, and they believe it is their God-given responsibility to enforce their moral code on the entire nation. Isn't it time I showed love to myself? TEDx was created in the spirit of TED's mission, "ideas worth spreading." Reverend Dr. Paula Stone Williams is the president of RLT Pathways, Inc., a non-profit providing counseling and coaching services. Its fewer than a dozen, and three of them didnt realize they were talking with the person who used to preach for them. These Christians will fight tooth and nail to eradicate all transgender rights. I joined the service to find who I am, and in the most unexpected way, I did. I was 21 and Cathy was 19. I received my annual sales numbers for my memoir. I was 19 when I realized what that discomfort represented; that I was transgender. I always thought I would find rejection if the secret I hid from my parents was ever discovered. They say there is no predisposition before experience toward gendered behavior. I find any religion lacking that leads with judgment instead of leading with acceptance and love.". Freedom to live authentically, to support our families and our communitiesand to be loved. Protestors were shouting offensive slogans at the children and their parents. In my 20s I spent a miserable two and a half years in psychoanalysis trying unsuccessfully to rid myself of my transgenderism. Oh, said I, That makes sense.. Paula Stone Williams is a transgender pastor. "I am learning a lot about what it means to be a female, and I am learning a lot about my former gender," she says. Because of the abilities of state legislatures to gerrymander districts, and because of our forefathers accommodation to rural states giving them outsize power in the US Senate and Electoral College, we now have a nation of minority rule. Living life as an openly bisexual transsexual Quaker man has been a real blessing. I became a filmmaker to save myself, needing to express myself creatively rather than destructively. Through years of meditation and mantra practice, as well as doing a number of retreats, my transition has been a good one. Rev. The pastor and author shares reflections on the things she learned about gender equity after becoming her most authentic self. When an Arkansas State Senator recently asked a transgender pharmacist in a public hearing whether she had a penis, America entered a new and dangerous period of anti-transgender rhetoric and repression. I know that all I want to do is to give people a voice that speaks louder than mine. Williams was fired from Orchard Group and from the Christian Standard periodical, where she had worked as the editor. My message to my Trans Brothers and Sisters is that you are important just for existing in this turbulent time and your ripples go far beyond what you can see today. Before meeting my fianc Drew, almost all of the men attracted to me would insist upon our time together to be kept a secret. I don't think she will stay with me if I become a woman. The fact that there was a fix put me at a crossroads: do I chance giving up everything that I have to be me or do I continue living as that guy. Within the world of most scripture scholars, this type of biblical interpretation was dismissed more than a century ago. Williams began his work with Orchard Groupin 1979 and became the president and chairman of the group in 1989, driven by a "simple statement of faith.". To be successful as a blind man, I had to be strong. Rainer Maria Rilke has the right words for what I feel: and walks outdoors, and keeps on walking. There is something appealing about the one spot on earth in which you are farther from land than any other place. Behind closed doors, however, Paul was beginning to embrace a different life as Paula. I know that a lot of times it seems like it would be easier just to give up. Enough is enough. I could not be happier mentally, physically, and socially with the life I live today. One of my mentors, Roy Lawson, read a book a week. Follow Paula's blog at paulastonewilliams.com. I know I probably wont catch lightning in a bottle again, but I think I can come up with a compelling talk. It is foreign to the world they inhabit. The transgender community is extremely resilient, we have lived through some horrific shared experiences. He probably still does. In my previous work, I hoped to save people from spiritual suffering. Paula is one of the founding Pastors of Envision Community Church. My health insurance was cancelled. Scratch that idea. It takes hearing peoples stories and being in close proximity to one another to narrow the political divide. We spent the evening watching movies and talking, as we did through most of the holidays. Even without parental support, I knew I had to do this and hoped that they would come around eventually. I've had friends who said that they regarded being transgendered as a blessingI think that I felt it to be more a curse. Attending our church is a threat to being able to back up your principals harried call to close the school doors because we are headed en masse to destroy every Christian thing in our path. Apprentices work at our direction to do the work. Most put hearts of various colors next to their messages. Then within minutes, going: 'Oh, wait a second wait a second. . It took me the better part of a decade for that to truly change. When I tell people I have a trans son, the usual reaction is, How did you deal with it? The truth is that I love my son as much as I loved my daughter. It is hate speech at its worst. . I do feel lucky in that my transition was really smooth. Even at the highest levels of evangelical ministry, Paula's dreams of transitioning continued. Are court packing and radical 'court reform' making a comeback? Nicole likes Pentecost and the first weekend of October, when in the tradition of St. Francis, we bless everyones animals. My agent keeps asking me the next book thats up my sleeve. Aug 17, 2022. Trying new things like crossdressing, realizing that they worked, they connected, but were never enough. We both miss the intimacy we had in our marriage, but it is what it is. You might be surprised to hear this, but my list of examples of being treated misogynistically grows exponentially. Ive met with everyone who has asked to meet with me, but that is exactly three people. Recently, a friend woefully told me that she is terrified we wont be friends after I transition because boys never want to be friends with her. To be "real," not only meant defining my physical appearance, but also doing work that spoke to my heart and values. I believe that one of the major reasons I was finally able to be honest with myself was knowing that the Austin Police Department would support me. There was never a time in my life when I didnt look into a mirror and ask, If Im a girl, why am I a boy?. I always wanted to be like Roy, but Ive never managed a book a week. I wanted to be married to Cathy for life. ", But it did. After watching the final season of Lost, Paula knew she had to transition. I check my junk file every week and notice I sometimes receive emails from a watchdog group riding herd over evangelical ministries. But I do still struggle with the pain they all experienced. I forget there is still a world in which intelligent people believe men are supposed to be in charge of their families and churches and pretty much everything else. We were at Mike Solomons office. Like, this is miserable. Dr. Paula Stone Williams is uniquely qualified to address this topic with mental health practitioners, pastors, educators, and corporate leaders. She just casually mentions that she had facial surgery to look more feminine [yeah, it felt weird when she wrote about it without acknowledging how impossible that is . Despite being a part of the LGBT community I really knew nothing about what it meant to transition. Paula has been featured in theNew York Times, TEDWomen, TEDSummit, TEDxMileHigh,Red Table Talk, theDenver Post, the New York Post,New Scientistmagazine,Radio New Zealand and many other media outlets. A Transgender Woman Looks at Male Sexuality. Judiasm teaches that you should love everyone, and at my school I was no exception. Lavery and Williams dig into two letters: First, from. Are we related to something infinite or not? If we are, then more than anything I want my journey to bring sustaining energy into the lives of those I love and beyond. Says Schools Can Be Investigated for Wrong Pronoun Use for Transgender Students, This week in Christian history: Scottish Archbishop murdered, Donatists given toleration, Court orders utility company restore power to church's rehab shelter, Mike Stone accepts nomination for SBC president, set to challenge Pres. (I wouldnt trust someone who says its all over the Internet with the amounts of our income.). I want to scream, Dont you get it. I have already testified against anti-trans laws and have worked with the Biden administration to bring accurate information about gender issues to the American public. They are to love God, love neighbor, and love yourself. Ive been surprised by some of the people who have read the book. Nevertheless, people get upset. Rarely do we hear stories about people with disabilities declaring their own unique gender identity or sexuality. I would hear the word 'father,' or I'd hear the word 'boyfriend,' 'husband,' 'dad,' and I would gravitate towards it. When I transitioned, I lost all my jobs, my pension, and most of my friends. Language links are at the top of the page across from the title. My life does not fit those boxes. In early 2014, Orchard Group said in a short announcementthat Paul had "retired quietly" in 2013. ", "I have no interest in debating it. Ive had trials come about because of the book. A few were not. This talk was presented to a local audience at TEDxMileHigh, an independent event. My transgender immigrant journey is unique and not representative of all the struggles of our communities, but I hope to encourage everybody to aspire to a life of authenticity. Paula is one of the 50 #iconic #women featured in our 3rd #NFT edition. No one would choose loss, heartbreak, unemployment and being homeless. Those are the books on which I take notes, copious amounts of notes, starting on the back inside cover and working my way inward. Presently I have found that self love and happiness from within which has made it possible to accept love from others. The evangelical circles she'd dedicated her life to as a man rejected her as a trans woman. Im going to put off thinking about my next talk until after the June 24 event. "I thought one option would be for them to think to themselves, 'Oh, wow. Even though transitioning is not practical (I am married with grown children and grand kids and still work for the Army) I am out and about. She helps implement the vision of the church as determined by the Elder Board; including preaching regularly, limited provision of pastoral care and supporting the Global Branch.